hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
is that a dick in a sweater?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
