Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
