What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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