The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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