he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
