he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Blood and glitter go together right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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