So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
