we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
