I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
