When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
