GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Floor bacon is actually really good
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
