I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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