Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
