dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
