it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
