Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We are all done wearing pants today
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