she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
