I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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