Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
