I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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