My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
