I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
