so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
