I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
