im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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