just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
