Nicole vs. Life
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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