saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
