i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Panties = found
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