bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
