dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
