i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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