When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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