Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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