Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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