did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
