yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
