I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
