Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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