I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All the doctor said was why
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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