thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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