I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
