ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
