Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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