Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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