turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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