you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
