do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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