dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
