All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
